An anecdote about socialization

We're part of an unschooling group in our area with around 30 or so families, and a little while ago we had a decent-sized gathering. About a dozen kids, anywhere from roughly 4 to 10 years old, were playing "ship" together. (The ship caught fire, sharks attacked, pirates attacked, people fell overboard and so on. The "ship" was a big, sturdy wooden table.)

In light of the fact that people often ask homeschoolers "What about socialization?" I have to say that my daughter is the only kid in our group, to my knowledge, who said:

• "Oooooooh, you're in trouble!"
• "He started it!"
• "It's her fault!"
• "I didn't get that out."
• "Don't you know the rules?"

And my daughter is also (almost) the only child who has ever attended any school.

At times I find myself apologizing to other moms, often adding: "Well, she went to preschool for a year and a half... that's where she learned that." Not only do I say it, but other moms know exactly what I'm talking about! Generally the other kids just give Anya an uncertain look and more or less ignore such competitive statements. I really don't think Anya says this stuff with much hostility, I think it's just that large groups cause her to revert to preschool "Lord of the Flies" dialogue. I assume she will outgrow such statements, especially as they get her nowhere with the unschooled crowd.

The vast majority of the time, though, Anya enjoys herself tremendously-- it's just that when she says something negative my ear always catches it because of her tone of voice. The kids actually play remarkably well together and without any power hierarchy, in spite of the age range. But then, I've been noticing Anya's awareness of other kids' ages for a couple of years now. We'd be at a playground and she'd say to a toddler -- with gestures and slow, emphatic speech -- something like "Oh, don't come down that way, come over here, this way's safer." Or, "Make sure you hang on tight!" Sometimes she might misjudge a child's age, but she was quite accomodating to whatever age she perceived them to be. This is how it generally works at the homeschool group gatherings (although not necessarily between siblings, perhaps). There's one 8-year-old boy who is protective of the littler ones without being overbearing, saying stuff like "Hey man, get down from there, that's not safe!" He tried to play cops and robbers with Anya (she being the appointed criminal), and she was scared by it. He caught on to that, so he came up and said "I talked it over with the chief of police and he says we should drop all the charges, so I'll have to let you go...." Cracked me up.

I think adults who only know schooled kids or remember their own school days imagine that kids are naturally mean to one another, particularly to younger kids. In fact, in more natural settings, I think older kids imitate parental care when dealing with younger ones. I think back to when our school district was consolidating and the middle school was going to be moved into one of the two high school buildings. Many parents were freaking out, as if the high school students constituted an enormous danger, either from physical violence or due to drug use or sexual harassment. This is really sad. My experience is that older kids take care of the younger ones, and can probably teach things to younger kids even more efficiently than an adult can convey the same information. Mixed age groups ought to be seen as a wonderful thing.

Which brings me to an excellent comeback to the eternal "What about socialization?" question. I was over at the Joyful Living and Unschooling site and found this:

When they ask the socialization question you can ask how public school kids learn to relate to people who are not the same age as themselves.

Good point.