Satire

Dear parents,

It's that time of year! This month we will be learning to tie our shoes.

We are sending home lacing boards and shoelaces with your child. Please note that these have extra large eyelets and aglets, to facilitate tying for little fingers. If you lose a shoelace, please telephone the school or send a note with your child, so that we may replace it. Substituting shoelaces you may have in your home, with standard-sized aglets, may impede your child's progress.

This week we will be examining shoelaces made of different materials in class, and discussing the history of the aglet (originally, aigullette, from the French aiguille, or needle). We ask that you participate by supervising your child in performing the initial step in the shoe-tying process, usually known as the "granny knot," preferably at least fifteen times per evening. Further homework assignments will be sent home at the start of each week.

Please refrain from encouraging your child to attempt shoe-tying prior to the end of the unit, as early failure can damage your child's self-confidence and ultimately their self-esteem.

Note also that we will be using the one loop wrap method, rather than the "bunny ears" method. While we recognize that previous generations often employed the bunny ear technique, research has proven that in the long term, one loop wrap knots are more secure and less liable to come untied. We will not be learning double knotting until 1st grade, therefore, it is for your child's safety that we must insist on the one loop wrap method.

Next month students will take a standardized exam to verify our successes in teaching the shoe tying process. Students will be asked to tie 50 pairs of shoes in 20 minutes. To prepare for testing, we will be using a fun finger puppet routine designed to strengthen the muscles and improve manual dexterity. Please encourage your child to demonstrate these finger puppets at home.

Enjoy the month, and have fun lacing!