Why we homeschool... some thoughts

I found an great list of 55 reasons to homeschool at the National Home Education Network site. I can relate to all of them, but I'm still pondering what the core reason is, in our case. A couple of days ago someone asked me why we decided to homeschool, and I said, "Well, my kids really want their autonomy... it just wouldn't have been a good match for us." This may be the key reason for me: protecting their independence.

Our society values obedience in children more than any other characteristic, if you sort out lip service from the way we actually treat kids. Even the most progressive of people will usually be quick to denounce the "little monsters" they've had experience with, although personally I don't see that much bad behavior when I'm out and about. I guess people remember the occasional tantrum or argument because they're so shocked when a kid doesn't click their heels and say javohl, but they fail to notice kids much in normal circumstances.

My kids aren't particularly obedient (not that this applies to T. yet, but I can see the writing on the wall!). If you can give A. a good reason why we do things a certain way, she'll listen to you and usually do what you're asking. But if you want her not to wear orange shorts with a purple shirt, well, good luck explaining that one! She won't do what an adult asks just because they're an adult, and I wouldn't want her to. I want her to question arbitrary rules, I don't want her to be a conformist. All of this goes against what is necessary in the classroom, which is obedience. Because school has taken over so much of childhood, demands for obedience have taken over too much of our relationships with children, in my view.

Incidentally, the woman who wrote that seminal paper criticizing "permissive parenting" turns out to be a promoter of corporal punishment. A nice rebuttal to her pro-spanking editorial is here. You may figure you aren't a permissive parent anyway, so this doesn't apply. But do you:

...behave in an acceptant and affirmative manner towards the child's impulses. desires. and actions. She [the parent] consults with him [the child] about policy decisions and gives explanations for family rules. She makes few demands for household responsibility and orderly behavior. She presents herself to the child as a resource for him to use as he wishes, not as an active agent responsible for shaping or altering his ongoing or future behavior. She allows the child to regulate his own activities as much as possible, avoids the exercise of control, and does not encourage him to obey externally defined standards. She attempts to use reason but not overt power to accomplish her ends.

Though you may demand a bit more from your kids in terms of cleaning up or being polite, this may sound similar to your parenting. In her book, then, you're a permissive parent. I certainly qualify, and it doesn't bother me in the least that Ms. Baumrind disapproves. (She can take her PhD and....)

As I say, protecting my kids' independence and autonomy, insofar as possible (safety and parental sanity being important considerations), means that for us homeschooling was an obvious choice.